11/20/25 Let’s talk about social anxiety.
I have so many ideas, so many thoughts about where I want to go with this. I know that some will not work out, but a lot of them will soar and just explode in potential and possibilities, and end up driving themselves into a new direction, and creating a masterpiece of coordination and collaboration.
But.
Social anxiety.
In order to enact these ideas, I have to talk to people. Real, live people. I have to go up to strangers, and say, “Hi, I have this great idea, and it involves you, and will you listen to me?” I have to go up to people who have been doing this a lot longer than me, people set in their ways, people who didn’t ask for someone to come in and say “how can I help you?” And I have to be able to make them understand that I’m not out to change what they’re doing; not saying they’re doing anything wrong; not claiming that I know more, or can do anything better.
I have to go up to perfect strangers, and say, “I want to learn, can you teach me?” To people who didn’t wake up wanting to teach anyone anything, who probably have the same social anxiety as me. (After all, we’re all book people.)
My biggest challenge isn’t the learning. It’s not the organizing. It’s not the ideas. It’s not the work. It’s the fear of talking to other humans. The fear of walking in a door, and having to engage.
Why? I wish I could figure out what I’m afraid of. I mean, if I’m going to drop off books at a donation spot, my overwhelming dread is “They really don’t want my books. They’ll just take them out of pity and then be angry at me for bringing them.” Like…WTH? I’m literally going to a place that is asking for books, I’m bringing perfect books, and my lizard brain is afraid that I’m imposing on them. That somehow I’m asking them to do me a favor by taking these books. That they’ve asked for.
Ugh.
I know that this will dissipate, as I get more experience. As I get more successes. As I get more people saying that what I’m doing is successful, a good idea, helpful. I know it will get better. I know it will. But right now… This is hard.
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